Dear Dr. Mimi:

I am having a problem in the office that I feel awkward confronting. There is a woman, “Chatty Cathy,” with whom I work in close quarters, who talks and talks and talks. She tends to get her work done by coming in early and staying late. During work hours, it seems like she spends more time talking than doing. Don’t get me wrong, Cathy is a great employee and I thoroughly enjoy our conversations, but she is a very big distraction to me. Is there a nice way for me to say something? I now have to stay late to finish my work because of the conversations, and quite honestly, I am resenting this. I don’t want to resent Cathy, but I fear I am starting to do that as well. I know that she is very sensitive, so I have put off saying anything directly to her as I do not want to offend her.

—Distracted

Dear Distracted:

Remember, it takes two to have a conversation. Instead of being on the defensive, try taking a proactive approach. Begin a day by asking her if she can spare a few minutes to talk with you. Assuming she says “yes,” sit down with “Chatty Cathy” in a place where there is confidentiality and explain to her that you have a hard time staying focused on your work when she is talking. Let her know that this is because you do so enjoy the conversations you share with each other. Remind her that you genuinely like her and enjoy your talks, but when you take the time to talk with her, you fall behind in your work and you are not willing or able to stay late to get your work completed. Suggest that you can catch up at times like lunch and breaks. Be polite but firm. Let her know that you will both have to work on not chatting, as it is a mutually shared pleasure. Suggest that in the future, if you both are talking and it is not work-related, you will need to remind each other that you have work to do and will have to postpone this exchange. It may take a few times for her to get the message, but don’t give up!

—Dr. Mimi