Five Strategies for Difficult Conversations

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1. Discuss one item at a time. Too many issues at one time can be overpowering and people will feel dumped on! Prioritize what you have to say. Think of what will make the greatest positive difference and focus on that behavior.

2. Know what you want to say, do it soon and deal only with facts. Resentment sets in when there is a problem or a difficult situation and nothing is being done to solve it. If you use lots of words, the message can get lost in the verbiage. Share behaviors, not inferences. Say, “You leave 15 minutes early” rather than “You are lazy.”

3. Use a moderate tone of voice. A loud voice and an accusatory tone can be intimidating and may lead to a battle of words, or on the other hand, someone clams up or shuts down so no one listens and both parties lose.

4. Don’t interrupt. Let the other person finish before you start talking. Sometimes we assume we know the whole story and we only half listen. Listen attentively – to understand not to contradict.

5. Treat the person with respect and try to come to a win-win solution. Have the other person suggest solutions, before you give your ideas. If you were wrong, apologize. If you made your words sweet, it is a lot easier to eat them!

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